Jon Stewart: But we do wanna, on this anniversary go out to Iraq right now. And I am actually getting word, this is a remarkable occurence--Senior War Correspondent Steve Carell is checking in! We have not heard from him since he was imbedded in the third ID infantry division more than two years ago. Steve, are you there, Steve?
Steve Carell: Yes, Jon, I am here.
Jon Stewart: I don't know where to begin. But, wow, where have you been?"
Steve Carell: "War, Jon, that's where. At first, I was just an imbed hunkered down with the troops sweeping toward Baghdad but in the intensity of the battle, bonds developed. The more the soldiers got to know me, the more they wanted me in the thick of the action. Kinda surprising given my petuent for Humvee sickness and my refusal to sleep without a temper-pedic custom down pillow. But still, Jon, in March 03, they put me in charge of securing a small cave somewhere between Alhambra and Tikruk. They dropped me off with a couple of MRE's and a gun with a single bullit in the chamber plus a single bullet and instructions on how to kill myself. So I naturally secured the area and waited for them to come back.
Jon Stewart: It's an incredible story, Steve.
Steve Carell: It probably is.
Jon Stewart: I mean, in two years, how did you re-establish contact with your division.
Steve Carell: Well, Jon, this mourning, I was following my usual routine flouraging for sand beetles, which are surprisingly feeling...and crunchy. I ran smack into my own division's reconnaissance units, a rifle but to the solar plexis later, here I am. I think we have some footage of that tearful reunion.
That was me, earlier, and then being welcomed home by the platoon. Nice moment. They then shaved me down and bathed me. Band of brothers.
Jon Stewart: Well, it sounds like an incredible journey, Steve.
Steve Carell: Well, I am still a reporter, Jon, so I'd like to file my story.
Jon Stewart: Absolutely be honored by all means.
Steve Carell: Baghdad Day 732: War rages on with still no sign of Saddam giving up. But take it from this grizzled reporter. Once Baghdad falls, the transition to democracy will be nearly instantaneous and these hearty young men will be taken as liberators.
Jon Stewart: Uh, I hate to interrupt your report, Steve, but Baghdad has already fallen. The war is over. There's been actually a pretty bloody insurgency. Saddam was captured more than a year ago.
Steve Carell: Ah, you don't say. Seems the reporter has become the reported to. In that case, I'd like to come home. I'm sure my wife and kids miss me terribly.
Jon Stewart: Um, actually, she, from what I understand, umm, your wife has remarried.
Steve Carell: Um-hum, Um-hum. Understandable, she thought I was dead.
Jon Stewart: Actually, it was only about week after you left.
Steve Carell: Alright, I see. That's hurtful. So what have you been up to, Jon?
Jon Stewart: Steve, I'm really afraid that we have to go. Thanks for checking in, though, we really do--
Steve Carell: Jon, I have no one to talk too.
Jon Stewart: Okay, Steve Carell everybody from Baghdad. We'll be right back after this.
--The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, March 23, 2005
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