News roundup and a reminder

Still looking for a ride tonight. I don't have one confirmed as of yet right now. Preferably from someone that knows the area. But if not, I can print out directions.

Randolph Morris is back with the Cats. I hope he has learned his lesson.

What is the difference between Houston and Chicago? Aside from Second City, there is a lot.

Anyway, go Astros, and let's take a look at some of the ways that Houston and Chicago, the Astros' opponent, are different.

Chicago is the Windy City. Houston is the Uncomfortably Hot Petroleum-laced Breeze Blowing in from the Gulf City.

Chicago has Dan Aykroyd. Houston has Marvin Zindler.

Chicago is the city of the broad shoulders. Houston, once named the fattest city in America, is the city of the fat broads.

Jesus would have preferred Houston to Chicago since it's easier to walk on the water in Houston. This is because the Ship Channel has more funny stuff floating on top than Lake Michigan does. If you want to get an ear infection, fall off a boat in Houston.

Both cities have a history of crime. Chicago's crime history is more gutsy. Chicago had Al Capone, a gangster who could get you a bottle of whiskey. Houston has Ken Lay, a paper shuffler who gave his loyal employees a reason to drink by losing their life savings.

Chicago was written about by Carl Sandburg. Houston gets a regular mention in Texas Monthly.

Congressman Brian Baird is the king of comedy in Washington, DC.

As the crowd snickered, he warmed them up in his Bush accent.

"Ah've just returned from my 47th trip to New Orleans." He paused. "Ahm doing Habitat for Humanity, yep. Gonna have these homes repaired by 2029."[...]

Baird did. As Bush, Baird announced a new initiative in the Western hemisphere, "Operation Tranquil Seas."

"We're gonna get rid of all WMDs, heh, heh," Baird's Bush smiled. "That's Weather of Mass Destruction." Gonna stop all those hurricanes, he said.

Professional comedian Mark Russell, a frequent performer at the White House, laughed, "He's got Bush."[...]

As he concluded his winning routine this week, Baird's "Bush" announced that compassionate conservatives Tom DeLay and lobbyist Jack Abramoff, both indicted, and embattled adviser Karl Rove, have all embraced a new compassionate cause: "Prison reform."

The crowd howled. The room had been abuzz during the evening with the story that the state of Texas had issued an arrest warrant for DeLay, the former House majority leader.

Mark Russell will land himself in Paducah soon enough. Will he joke about the mess in Frankfort?

Matt Morris's future with St. Louis is uncertain. The buzz among the fans is to let him go but I disagree.

With nine seasons as a Cardinal, 10 years and 101 victories having passed since he was drafted by the club in 1995, Morris wades into what is expected to be a shallow pool of free-agent pitchers. There is the likelihood another club will trump any offer the Cardinals will make. Headliners such as A.J. Burnett, Kevin Millwood, Morris and Jeff Weaver mean there are arms to be had, but quality arms could command a costly sum.

"A lot will depend on what's Matt's opportunity," manager Tony La Russa said. "He may find a better opportunity, more money somewhere else. I don't want to drop a guilt trip on him. We'd like to have him back, but can we afford him?"

The Cardinals have rookie Anthony Reyes and possibly Adam Wainwright pressing for a spot in next summer's rotation, so there are alternatives. Last year, the Cardinals were able to afford Morris by offering the fresh-from-surgery righthander an incentive-laden contract that had a base salary of $2.5 million, down from his $12.5 million in 2004.

The contract could have paid him a maximum of $7 million if he met all of his incentives. He did not trigger them all - such as those related to innings pitched - and made $6.25 million.

David "Boomer" Wells, a Red Sox pitcher, has requested a trade. He prefers to end his career on the west coast, possibly with the Padres.

Unbelievable! I don't believe what I just read but I can't say I'm not surprised.

Ben, a 26-year-old who works at a library in Findlay, Ohio, thought about asking Melissa at the concert while the two were driving to The Palace of Auburn Hills.

"We haven't had the best time for the last 18 months," he said. "I lost two grandparents in three months, and in July, Melissa lost her sister. I was trying to think of a way to do this and make it a memorable occasion, really special."

So he made a sign and held it up from his fourth-row seat: "CAN BEN ASK MELISSA TO MARRY HIM?"

During the concert, McCartney spotted it and read it out loud.

"Well, go on, get down on your knees and ask her, Ben!" the former Beatle ordered. Ben did, and Melissa said yes.

"Well, that's a first for me," McCartney quipped of the in-concert engagement. "And I hope it's a last for you, Ben."

"To have Paul McCartney be there and start the proposal, I really don't have words to describe what that was like," Melissa, who works in a hospital emergency room, told The Detroit News for a story published Friday.

Well, I offer my congratulations the newly engaged couple.