Vas nu?

Excuse my Yiddish but don't worry, it translates to "What's new?"

Woody Allen has to decided to reveal himself here...Sorry, I misread that...he is explaining himself as to why he's his own grandpa.

"When I first started seeing these comedians on television I thought to myself, 'You know, I was a comic and these guys are nothing,'" Allen confesses, reflecting on a career that began over 30 years ago, "and then I saw some old tapes of myself, and I really saw how terrible I was."

Either his neuroses have morphed into humility, or he wasn't reading the newspaper back then. The young jokester was "the most refreshing comic to emerge in many months," according to one review published shortly after Allen's debut at Greenwich Village dive The Bitter End in 1962. Allen opened his five-week gig with classic comic hyperbole, recounting a failed relationship during his time at NYU with a woman so free-spirited she was ultimately "run over by a freedom bus." Needless to say, Allen flunked out of the university shortly afterward.

With the success of the performances, his managers soon became his producers, and Allen began transferring the screwball nature of his act to the screen. As a writer-director-star, he satirized a wide range of subject matter, from politics ("Bananas") to technology ("Sleeper). Audiences responded favorably to his satiric ingenuity, but Allen insists that success found him, rather than the other way around.

"For some reason, I can do one-line jokes and make them sound like dialogue, rather than just jokes," he explains. "Some people can do that, other people have trouble with that."

An interview with Liane Balaban. Who the heck is she?

You've been called the next Natalie Portman. Thoughts?
I don't like being compared to a contemporary. I'd rather be compared to a legend, although she is a wonderful actress. It's very flattering, I can't deny that. But if I had my choice of actresses to be compared to, I'd like to be a young Meryl Streep. Or a young Natalie Wood. I was telling my agent, "I've gotta play [Portman's] sister. Why don't we package a movie. We'll get someone to write the script. She'll play the lead. It'll be perfect." But I was informed that Natalie Portman's people would probably never go for that idea, because they probably wouldn't want me crowding her space.

I don't think this is a good sign...Susan got somebody in trouble...

Ed Helms had some trouble this week during a stand-up comedy show...

"People usually find my pain funny," he said, addressing the 150 or so folks who sparingly laughed at his self-deprecating jokes and barely found the energy to smile at his sarcastic humor.

"But not you people, no," he said. "Too close to home?"

The funny thing is, that remark elicited one of the loudest laughs of the night.

Helms, the fake newsman from Comedy Central's The Daily Show, opened the first of a four-night engagement at the Cabaret Theater looking more casual than his suited television persona, in jeans and a blue and white tattersall shirt. Helms did his best to coax a reaction out of the half-filled theater.

He tried to talk to a woman in the audience, only to be put on proverbial hold while she answered her cell phone. During a bit about karaoke singers, he was heckled by workers from a karaoke bar who happened to be celebrating a birthday in the back of the theater.

"Give me something, people," he quipped during one uncomfortable silence.

Helms scored a few guffaws when he poked fun at the casino, calling it a bio-dome that could sustain life for eons. He also suggested the Mohegans descended from aliens — pointing out pod-like light fixtures — and said the casino looked like a docking area waiting for the mother ship to return.

Helms was a little slow on his timing, and he checked his watch at least twice during the show.

But Wednesday is a harsh night for comedy. Even in the best clubs in New York City, the midweek crowd is tough to crack.

George H.W. Bush was the only one laughing when Helms checked his watch.

MSNBC First Read: "may affect how the public views congressional Republicans, the President, and the GOP."

Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards is on the offensive...against Howard Dean?!?

John Edwards made his second lifetime appearance on ESPN2's Cold Pizza this morning.

Edwards said he is pro-Tar Heel (instead of Wolfpack). And he advocated a "run, run, run" strategy for the Heels against 'Nova.

His favorite tournament memories involved Michael Jordan and Jim Valvano (and somehow the folks at the Deuce had the video ready to roll in!!).

Apparently, the Senator is in some sort of office pool.

Edwards said Dean Smith is better at motivating the troops than is Howard Dean (Good question, Dana Jacobson!!!).

Yea, it's now 10:21 AM.