Jay Leno's Final Monologue

This is not all of the monologue but most of the highlights.

Welcome to the exciting season finale of the TONIGHT SHOW, ladies and gentlemen.

As you know, this is our last show after 17 years. I want to thank all the people that made it possible - Michael Jackson, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton ...

Seventeen years! Do you realize when I started this show, my hair was black and the president was white. Did you know that? When we started this show 17 years ago, Jon and Kate were both 8! The only thing that hasn't changed in 17 years? The Clippers still suck.

I tell you, NBC has been nothing but great today. Jeff Zucker called me, said that I can purchase the robe that's hanging in my room.

People have been asking "what are you gonna do after your last show? Are you going on vacation?" I will be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me. NBC prime time.

As many as you know, we're not really leaving. We're coming back at 10 o'clock in September. And i'll admit, it’s a gamble. I'm betting everything NBC will be around in 3 months.

As you know, President Obama was here in Los Angeles this week to bring his message of change to Hollywood, and really, there's no place in America that loves change more than Hollywood, the place that brought you four TERMINATOR sequels, ten POLICE ACADEMY movies and 29 STAR TREK films. This town runs on new and innovative ideas, doesn't it folks?

I tell ya, Kev, the economy is bad! In West Hollywood I saw a gay bar having a "ladies night." That's how bad the economy is.

I saw a possum playing dead, just to try and collect the insurance money.

You know what's hurting - state fairs. Attendance is so low, carnival workers are being forced to molest each other.

You know the the rapper DMX...today i saw him riding around on a BMX.

We've had a lot of fun doing these jokes about the economy - you know the reason why they work is because they're an homage to one of the all-time great comics, and a longtime friend of the show, Rodney Dangerfield. I loved Rodney.

There's something strange in the neighborhood...

I did not know this. Bill Murray would not do the Ghostbusters video game unless Ernie Hudson had a larger role.

Even Murray returned - not with a hatful of diva demands, but wanting an assurance that Winston Zeddemore, the underwritten black character from the movies, would be elevated to full status. And so to all intents and purposes, The Video Game is, effectively, Ghostbusters 3. A period piece, it takes place two years after the events of the second movie and sees Manhattan once again under threat. It's closer in scale to Aykroyd's original vision but in canon terms, it's the next chapter of the story.

And now for the supernatural bit: after coming together for the game, all the players have stated their intentions to go back, and a script is being written by Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, writers on the US Office. According to reports the original cast will act as mentors, handing the company over to a new generation, likely to be from the Seth Rogen and Steve Carell class of actors who are filling up just the same space in Hollywood as Aykroyd and Murray once did. "There'll be a whole new generation that has to be trained and a leader that you'll all love when you meet her," says Aykroyd. "There'll be lots of cadets, boys and girls who'll be learning how to use the neuron splitter and the inter-planet interceptor - new tools to enable them to slip from dimension to dimension."

That is, of course, if they decide that movies are even the way to go any more. "I have what I think are two great cool science fiction stories myself right now and I think I'm gonna skip the movies altogether and find some gamers, maybe go with these guys again. I'll just give them the scripts and say, 'pretend this movie got made'."

Pulling an all-nighter on Shavuot...

Thursday night marks the beginning of Shavuot and the 50th and final day of the omer.

It's been a custom for centuries to learn and study the Torah all night long.

On the first night of Shavuot (this year Thursday night, May 28, 2009), Jews throughout the world observe the centuries-old custom of conducting an all-night vigil dedicated to Torah learning, and preparation for receiving the Torah anew the next morning. One explanation for this tradition is that the Jewish people did not rise early on the day G‑d gave the Torah, and it was necessary for G‑d Himself to awaken them. To compensate for their behavior, Jews have accepted upon themselves the custom of remaining awake all night.

All Jews should attend Shacharis services on Friday to hear the reciting of the Ten Commandments. It's Yom Tov after all so you shouldn't be at work that day. For Jews, it's a short week with Memorial Day Weekend the weekend before

The holiday of Shavuot is the day on which we celebrate the great revelation of the giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai, 3320 years ago. You stood at the foot of the mountain. Your grandparents and great-grandparents before them. The souls of all Jews, from all times, came together to hear the Ten Commandments from G‑d Himself.

Here's the cliff notes for the Torah readings for Day 1 (Friday) and Day 2 (Shabbas).

It's also a custom to hear the Book of Ruth recited on the second day of the holiday.

In many synagogues the Book of Ruth is read on the second day of Shavuot. There are several reasons for this custom:

A) Shavuot is the birthday and yahrtzeit (anniversary of passing) of King David, and the Book of Ruth records his ancestry. Ruth and her husband Boaz were King David's great-grandparents.

B) The scenes of harvesting described in the book of Ruth are appropriate to the Festival of Harvest.

C) Ruth was a sincere convert who embraced Judaism with all her heart. On Shavuot all Jews were converts -- having accepted the Torah and all of its precepts.

On most holidays, we eat meat or fast. On Shavuos, we eat dairy foods.

It is customary to eat dairy foods on the first day of Shavuot. There are a number of reasons for this custom; here are a few:

*On the holiday of Shavuot, a two-loaf bread offering was brought in the Temple. To commemorate this, we eat two meals on Shavuot -- first a dairy meal, and then, after a short interruption, we eat the traditional holiday meat-meal.
*With the giving of the Torah the Jews now became obligated to observe the laws of Kosher. As the Torah was given on Shabbat no cattle could be slaughtered nor could utensils be koshered, and thus on that day they ate dairy.
*The Torah is likened to nourishing milk. Also, the Hebrew word for milk is "chalav." When the numerical value of each of the letters in the word chalav are added together - 8, 30, 2 - the total is forty. Forty is the number of days Moses spent on Mount Sinai when receiving the Torah.

Your house should be adorned with greenery and flowers.

Happy Memorial Day

In honor of Memorial Day, here is Howard Schnauber's poem, My Name is Old Glory aka I am the Flag:
I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over great institutes of learning.
I stand guard with the greatest military power in the world.
Look up! And see me!
I stand for peace - honor - truth and justice.
I stand for freedom
I am confident - I am arrogant
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners
My head is a little higher
My colors a little truer.
I bow to no one.
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped - I am saluted - I am respected
I am revered - I am loved, and I am feared.
I have fought every battle of every war for more than 200 years:
Gettysburg, Shilo, Appomatox, San Juan Hill, the trenches of France,
the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome, the beaches of Normandy,
the deserts of Africa, the cane fields of the Philippines, the rice paddies andjungles of Guam, Okinawa, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, Guadalcanal
New Britain, Peleliu, and many more islands.
And a score of places long forgotten by all but those who were with me.
I was there.
I led my soldiers - I followed them.
I watched over them.
They loved me.
I was on a small hill in Iwo Jima.
I was dirty, battle-worn and tired, but my soldiers cheered me,
and I was proud.
I have been soiled, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of
countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt, for I am invincible.
I have been soiled, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of
my country, and when it is by those
with whom I have served in battle - it hurts.
But I shall overcome - for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stand watch over the
uncharted new frontiers of space
from my vantage point on the moon.
I have been a silent witness to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hour comes when I am torn into strips to
be used for bandages for my wounded comrades on the field of battle,
When I fly at half mast to honor my soldiers,
And when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving
mother at the graveside of her fallen son.
I am proud.
My name is Old Glory.
Dear G-d - Long may I wave.

Here is I am the Nation or as it's known during the opening ceremonies of Thunder over Louisville, Proud to be an American:
I was born on July 4, 1776 and the Declaration of Independence is my birth certificate. The bloodlines of the world run in my veins, because I offered freedom to the oppressed. I am many things, and many people. I AM THE NATION.

I am 243 million living souls...and the ghost of millions who have lived and died for me. I am Nathan Hale and Paul Revere. I stood at Lexington and fired the shot heard around the world. I am Washington, Jefferson and Molly Pitcher. I am John Paul Jones, the Green Mountain Boys, and Davey Crockett. I am Lee and Grant and Abe Lincoln.

I remember the Alamo, the Maine and Pearl Harbor. When freedom called I answered and stayed until it was over...over there. I left my heroic dead in Flanders Fields, on the roads of Corregidor, on the bleak slopes of Korea and in the steaming jungles of Vietman.

I am the Brooklyn Bridge, the wheat lands of Kansas and the granite hills of Vermont. I am the coal fields of the Virginias and the bluegrass farms in Kentucky, the Golden Gate and the Grand Canyon. I am Independence Hall, the Spirit of St. Louis...and footprints on the moon.

I am big; I sprawl from the Atlantic to the Pacific. My arms reach out to embrace Alaska and Hawaii, more than 3 million square miles throbbing with industry and technology. I am more than 2 million farms. I am forest, field, mountain and desert. I am quiet villages...and cities that never sleep. You can look at me and see Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross, Babe Ruth and the World Series.

I am 170,000 schools and colleges and 260,000 churches where my people worship G-d as they think best. I am a ballot dropped into a box and an editorial in a newspaper. I am the roar of a crowd in a stadium, and the voice of a choir in a cathedral.

I am Mark Twain and Stephen Foster. I am Tom Edison, Albert Einstein and Walt Disney. I am the Wright Brothers, Will Rogers and Bob Hope. I am Henry Ford, Jonas Salk, John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King. I am Neil Armstrong, Charles Yeager and Christa McAuliffe. Yes, I AM THE NATION, and these are the things that I am. I was conceived in freedom and, G-d willing, in freedom I will spend the rest of my days, PROUD TO BE AMERICAN.

Least we forget, Lee Greenwood's G-d Bless the USA:
If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.

I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be living here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
G-d bless the USA.

From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.

From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and it's time we stand and say.

That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
G-d bless the USA.

And I’m proud to be and American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
G-d bless the USA

I might regret this later...

Here you go. I caved and put it on youtube. But if you like it, please purchase the mp3 at my SoundLoud store.

The CW releases 2009 Fall Television Schedule

I don't get this...Smallville on Friday nights?!? That's blasphemy!

MONDAY
8PM GOSSIP GIRL
9PM ONE TREE HILL

TUESDAY
8PM 90210
9PM MELROSE PLACE

WEDNESDAY
8PM AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
9PM THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE

THURSDAY
8PM VAMPIRE DIARIES
9PM SUPERNATURAL

FRIDAY
8PM SMALLVILLE
9PM AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL Encore

CBS releases 2009 Fall Television Schedule

Without a Trace, The Unit, and Worst Week are goners. Midseason shows include The Bridge, Miami Trauma, Rules of Engagement, Flashpoint, Undercover Boss, and Arranged Marriage.

CBS FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8 PM: How I Met Your Mother
8:30 PM: Accidentally on Purpose
9 PM: Two and A Half Men
9:30 PM: The Big Bang Theory
10 PM: CSI: Miami

TUESDAY
8 PM: NCIS
9 PM: NCIS: Los Angeles
10 PM: The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY
8 PM: The New Adventures of Old Christine
8:30 PM: Gary Unmarried
9 PM: Criminal Minds
10 PM: CSI: NY

THURSDAY
8 PM: Survivor: Samoa
9 PM: CSI
10 PM: The Mentalist

FRIDAY
8 PM: Ghost Whisperer
9 PM: Medium
10 PM: Numb3rs

SATURDAY
8 PM: Crimetime Saturday
9 PM: Crimetime Saturday
10 PM: 48 Hours Mystery

SUNDAY
7 PM: 60 Minutes
8 PM: The Amazing Race
9 PM: Three Rivers
10 PM: Cold Case

Kentucky is on top. Again.

The news of John Wall committing to play for Kentucky has shaken up the internet by storm. UCLA fans were so upset that all their jumping up and down in protest led to another earthquake in California.

Eric Bledsoe's coach commented on the Wall signing.

"That's my biggest question," Ford said. "How much will he play? I tried to get Eric to understand that."

North Carolina's triangle of schools could feel this for a while...

John Wall's recruiting saga has ended in Kentucky's favor, but the impact of his departure from North Carolina's Triangle area of Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill can't yet be fully calculated.

Odds are the immediate damage will be extensive simply because Wall hardly will be a gang of one in John Calipari's first talent harvest at Lexington.

With highly rated prospects Eric Bledsoe, DeMarcus Cousins and Daniel Orton already in tow, Calipari was off to a smashing start with or without another recruiting strike. But the addition of Wall, who long ago was anointed by some recruiting analysts as the best point guard in years, should provide Calipari with enough talent to make an immediate national splash.

The irony is that Wall departs at a time when North Carolina, Duke and N.C. State each are in dire need of point-guard help. Duke and State have been in that predicament for some time, although the Blue Devils have had enough lineup versatility to patch their void reasonably well.

Jeff Goodman has Kentucky as his #1 in the Early Preseason Top 25.

We're still about a month away from the deadline for underclassmen to withdraw from the NBA Draft, but felt the need to update the Early Preseason Top 25 after Kentucky got a commitment Tuesday morning from John Wall and also received the news that Patrick Patterson is returning to school.

We had Kentucky at No. 3 the last time we did this a few weeks ago and Wall is a Derrick Rose-esque player.[...]

1. KENTUCKY
Record: 22-14 (NIT)
Losses: Jared Carter
Potential Early-Entry Departures: Jodie Meeks
Key Returnees: Patrick Patterson, Darius Miller, DeAndre Liggins, Ramon Harris, Perry Stevenson, Kevin Galloway, Josh Harrellson, Matt Pilgrim
Newcomers: John Wall, Eric Bledsoe, DeMarcus Cousins, Daniel Orton, Jon Hood
With the addition of my No. 1 freshman in the country, John Wall, and also Patrick Patterson's decision to withdraw from the NBA Draft, the Wildcats — as long as Jodie Meeks follows Patterson and opts to return (which he should) — are FOXSports.com's choice as the top team in the country, barely edging out Kansas. Just think about this: Two fringe McDonald's All-Americans — Daniel Orton and Eric Bledsoe — will be role players who probably won't see the floor with the game on the line. Wall and Meeks in the backcourt with a big man trio of Patterson and heralded freshmen bigs DeMarcus Cousins and Orton make this group the deepest and most talented in the nation.

Larry Orton talks about the signing of John Wall.

Larry Orton, the father of UK signee Daniel Orton of Oklahoma, thinks having Wall and Bledsoe creates a perfect scenario for UK and coach John Calipari.

"John is probably only going to be at UK a year (before going to the NBA)," Larry Orton said "That's why it is good to have Bledsoe. He is not a one-and-done, or two-and-done, kind of player. He could very well end up in the NBA in four years, and probably will.

"But now he can play behind John for a year, or if John gets hurt or in foul trouble, he will give Kentucky a great point guard, too."[...]

"If Meeks is back, and I hear he will be back after he gets through testing the NBA waters, then Kentucky has to be a top five team going into next year," Orton said. "How are you going to guard them all?"

He noted how Bledsoe and Darius Miller could back up Wall and Meeks. Then there will be Patrick Patterson, Matt Pilgrim, Perry Stevenson, DeMarcus Cousins and his son inside. Plus, junior college transfer Darnell Dodson could play multiple spots and UK also has other returning experienced players like Ramon Harris.

"Kentucky will have all the backup firepower it needs," Orton said. "The second team could handle a lot of teams because it will be full of stars, too. It's just a great situation for everybody, including John Wall."

John Clay writes that the expectations for Kentucky are realistically high.

The coveted point guard from Raleigh, N.C., is going to play basketball at the University of Kentucky, joining a Big Blue galaxy of four-stars and five-stars in what might be the best collection of first-year talent college basketball has ever seen.

So let the high expectations begin.

Seriously.

This is normally the point where the voice-of-reason columnist jumps in and preaches patience and realism, and points out that great recruits don't always equate to great teams.

This is where the wet blankets feel compelled to issue admonitions to the overzealous about keeping expectations, and emotions, at a reasonable level.

Forget that.

This Kentucky basketball team should win every game. By double digits. It should win many more by much more than that. It should win division championships and conference championships and NCAA regional championships and, yes, NCAA championships.

All of that is not going to happen, of course. Kentucky will suffer losses next season, maybe one or two, and even experience a few closer-than-they-should-have-been wins. There will be missteps, and the 2009-10 Cats probably won't meet each and every one of their heady ambitions.[...]

But Coach Cal didn't go out and secure the gaudy likes of John Wall (ranked as the nation's No. 1 prospect by Rivals.com), DeMarcus Cousins (No. 2) and Eric Bledsoe (No. 23), along with coveted junior-college transfer Darnell Dodson, while talking holdover signees Daniel Orton (No. 22) and Jon Hood (No. 40) into staying on, just so the Kentucky coach could win guarantee games.

Calipari didn't convince Patrick Patterson to postpone his NBA leap of faith or speak of Jodie Meeks as if the senior-to-be sharpshooter was already preparing to stack 54 more points on Bruce Pearl's head, just because he wants to crack the top three in the SEC East.

Coach Cal is thinking big.

And Twittering big.

And recruiting big.

So let's join him.

On paper, anyway, this recruiting red-carpet list is the best Kentucky recruiting class of all time — better than the 1974 class (Jack Givens, Rick Robey, Mike Phillips, James Lee and Danny Hall), better than the 1971 "Super Kittens" class (Kevin Grevey, Jimmy Dan Conner, Mike Flynn, Bob Guyette, Steve Lochmueller, Jerry Hale and G.J. Smith), better than the 1979 class (Sam Bowie, Dirk Minniefield, Derrick Hord, Charles Hurt and Tom Heitz).

Kentucky is the concensus pick to win the 2010 NCAA Championship title.

It's not even 12 hours since the original John Wall-to-Kentucky story broke, and already we have a new consensus favorite to win the 2009-10 national title: the Kentucky Wildcats.

NBC releases 2009 Fall Television Schedule

NBC has officially released their 2009-2010 television schedule for the fall and spring.

NBC FALL 2009 SCHEDULE
*New programs in UPPER CASE

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. – "Heroes"
9-10 p.m.—"TRAUMA"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. – "The Biggest Loser" (two-hour edition)
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. – "PARENTHOOD"
9-10 p.m. – "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. – "SNL WEEKEND UPDATE THURSDAY" (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. – "Parks and Recreation"
9- 9:30 p.m. – "The Office"
9:30-10 p.m. – "COMMUNITY" (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after multi-episode run "30 Rock" returns)
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. – "Law & Order"
9-10 p.m. – "Southland"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. – "Dateline NBC"
9-10 p.m. – "TRAUMA" (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. – "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7- 8:20 p.m. "Football Night in America"
8:20-11 p.m. "NBC Sunday Night Football"

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE
(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempt regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)

*New programs in UPPER CASE

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. – "Chuck" (season premiere)
9-10 p.m.—"DAY ONE"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

TUESDAY
8-9:30 p.m. – "The Biggest Loser" (90-minute edition)
9:30-10 p.m. – "100 QUESTIONS"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. – "MERCY"
9-10 p.m. – "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. – "COMMUNITY"
8:30-9 p.m. – "Parks and Recreation"
9- 9:30 p.m. – "The Office"
9:30-10 p.m. – "30 Rock"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. – "Law & Order"
9-10 p.m. – "Southland"
10-11 p.m. – "THE JAY LENO SHOW"

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. – "Dateline NBC"
9-10 p.m. – "Southland" (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. – "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. – "Dateline NBC"
8-9 p.m. – THE MARRIAGE REF
9-11 p.m. – "The Celebrity Apprentice" (season premiere; two-hour edition)

ABC releases 2009 Fall Television Schedule

It was only a matter of time before According to Jim officially ended its run. But enough about that, here's what you want to see.

MONDAY
8:00 PM: Dancing With the Stars
10:00 PM: Castle

TUESDAY
8:00 PM: Shark Tank
9:00 PM: Dancing With the Stars the Results Show
10:00 PM: The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY
8:00 PM: Hank
8:30 PM: The Middle
9:00 PM: Modern Family
9:30 PM: Cougar Town
10:00 PM: Eastwick

THURSDAY
8:00 PM: Flash Forward
9:00 PM: Grey's Anatomy
10:00 PM: Private Practice

FRIDAY
8:00 PM: Supernanny
9:00 PM: Ugly Betty
10:00 PM: 20/20

SATURDAY
8:00 PM: Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY
7:00 PM: America's Funniest Home Videos
8:00 PM: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9:00 PM: Desperate Housewives
10:00 PM: Brothers & Sisters

After the run of DWTS, The Bachelor will air for two hours on Monday nights. On Tuesdays after the run of the DWTS results show, ABC will air Scrubs at 9 PM and Better off Ted at 9:30 PM.

Top Point Guard John Wall chooses Kentucky

There are numerous reports out there (Rivals, Scout, Andy Katz, SLAM) confirming that point guard John Wall, the number one high school senior in the nation, has decided to play for John Calipari and the University of Kentucky Wildcats.

May he stay for more than one year.

Wall joins an already #1 class which includes him with three other five stars Eric Bledsoe (PG), DeMarcus Cousins (PF) and Daniel Orton (C). The four stars are Jon Hood (SF) and Darnell Dodson (SF).

Patrick Patterson is returning...now Jodie Meeks must decide.

FOX releases 2009 Fall Television Schedule

All times listed are Eastern.

Monday
8:00 PM: House
9:00 PM: Lie to Me

Tuesday
8:00 PM: So You Think You Can Dance

Wednesday
8:00 PM: So You Think You Can Dance (results show)
9:00 PM: Glee

Thursday
8:00PM: Bones
9:00 PM: Fringe

Friday
8:00 PM: Brothers
8:30 PM: ‘Til Death
9:00 PM: Dollhouse

Saturday
8:00 PM: COPS
8:30 PM: COPS
9:00 PM: America’s Most Wanted
11:00 PM-Midnight: The Wanda Sykes Show (working title)
Midnight-12:30 AM: Animation Domination encores

Sunday
7:00 PM: The OT (NFL post-game)
8:00 PM: The Simpsons
8:30 PM: The Cleveland Show
9:00 PM: Family Guy
9:30 PM: American Dad

Midseason
Monday
8:00 PM: House
9:00 PM: 24

Tuesday
8:00 PM: American Idol
9:00 PM: Past Life

Wednesday
8:00 PM: American Idol
9:00 PM: Human Target (January) / Glee (spring)

Thursday
8:00PM: Bones
9:00 PM: Fringe

Friday
8:00 PM: Brothers
8:30 PM: ‘Til Death
9:00 PM: Dollhouse

Saturday
Saturday
8:00 PM: COPS
8:30 PM: COPS
9:00 PM: America’s Most Wanted
11:00 PM-Midnight: The Wanda Sykes Show (working title)
Midnight-12:30 AM: Animation Domination encores

Sunday
7:00 PM: Animation Domination Encores
7:30 PM: American Dad
8:00 PM: The Simpsons
8:30 PM: Sons of Tuscon
9:00 PM: Family Guy
9:30 PM: The Cleveland Show

Vell, vas nu?

May is halfway through but the summer movie season is just getting underway!

X-Men: First Class, like X-Men Origins: Wolverine, is a prequel to the X-Men films.

Judd Apatow created fake films for the new movie, Funny People.

A third film is secretly bringing back one of Apatow’s favorite leading ladies, the beautiful breakout from “The 40-Year-Old-Virgin,” who will also be playing herself. “[Sandler’s George Simmons character] made a romantic comedy called ‘Mistake’ with Elizabeth Banks,” he explained. “There’s all sorts of posters, some we shot scenes for.”

The one I’m most eager to see might be Sandler’s “Splash” take-off. “There’s a movie called ‘Mer-man,’ that he’s in as well,” Apatow said with a grin on his face. “I’ve heard they already sold ['Mer-man'] to be a real movie after we made it as a joke.”

Anti-gay church to target Jews

Has it really come down to this? These people must have nothing else to do if all they do is target people that they disagree with on issues. Seriously, this is lame. Just stop. You don't help yourself any.

After years of focusing on gays and lesbians with its protests, the Westboro Baptist Church has a new target -- the Jewish community.

The Topeka, Kan.-based church, which features the slogan “G-d Hates Fags,” protested at three Jewish sites here last Friday afternoon. The protests are part of a series of upcoming rallies that will bring members of the church to Jewish community institutions in Omaha, St. Louis, South Florida and Providence in the next few weeks, according to the church's Web site and fliers the group is distributing that list scheduled protests and proclaim “Jews Killed the Lord Jesus.”

Led by Pastor Fred Phelps, the 71-member church, according to Anti-Defamation League research, first gained notoriety about a decade ago when it began picketing the funerals of gays or those they thought were gay -- including Matthew Shepard, who was the victim of an anti-gay attack.

In recent years, church members frequently have protested outside the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, or at other events that are likely to bring news coverage and, in turn, publicity to the church. One such event was the funeral of three young girls killed in a traffic accident.

While picketing outside the Washington office of the Anti-Defamation League last Friday, Phelps' daughter Margie told JTA that the group is now focusing on the Jewish community because church members have been “testifying” to gentiles for 19 years that “America is doomed” and they haven't gotten the message.[...]

Deborah Lauter, the ADL's director of civil rights, said the church has always been “anti-Semitic” but never targeted the Jewish community until recently. She said the ADL isn't entirely sure what triggered the new focus on Jews, but speculated that the help the ADL provided to a school that the church picketed last month for performing the musical “Rent” could have something to do with it.

Mark Potok, director of the Southern Poverty Law Center's Intelligence Project tracking hate groups, said he didn't think there was any real significance to the church's new focus on Jews.

“With a group willing to picket the funerals of little girls killed in a school bus crash, it's hard to be surprised by anything they do,” Potok said.

“They're the farthest fringe,” he said, noting that even hard-line anti-gay groups are embarrassed by Phelps' church.

Lauter added that the protesters are not violent and don't try to recruit others to their cause. But they are provocative and are “baiting the Jewish community to respond.”

“We're advising Jewish institutions not to give them the publicity they crave,” she said, and not engage the protesters.

In Washington, the group first picketed the funeral of former congressman Jack Kemp, and then protested outside the ADL offices, the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum and the city's largest synagogue, Washington Hebrew Congregation. (The group positioned itself across the street from the museum -- on the edge of the National Mall -- meaning that visitors to the museum that afternoon did not even necessarily see them when entering the facility.)

Manny Ramirez suspended 50 games for drug test violation

ESPN:

Major League Baseball announced Thursday that Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games for violating its drug policy.

The commissioner's office didn't announce the specific violation by Ramirez, but in a statement Thursday provided by Major League Baseball, Ramirez attributed the violation to medication he had been prescribed by a doctor.

"Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me," Ramirez said. "Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now.

"I do want to say one other thing; I've taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons. I want to apologize to [Dodgers owner Frank] McCourt, Mrs. McCourt, [manager Joe] Torre, my teammates, the Dodger organization, and to the Dodger fans. LA is a special place to me and I know everybody is disappointed. So am I. I'm sorry about this whole situation."

After consultation with the Players' Association and his personal representatives, Ramirez waived his right to challenge the suspension. He will lose nearly $8 million of his $25 million salary.

Ramirez's test result was first reported by the Los Angeles Times.

Triple-A outfielder Xavier Paul has been told by the Dodgers that he will be promoted later today, according to The Times. Ramirez would be eligible to return to the Dodgers' lineup for their July 3 game against San Diego.

In his first full season as a Dodger, Ramirez is batting .348 with six home runs and 20 RBIs. Los Angeles has bolted to a 21-8 record -- best in the majors -- and a 13-0 record at home that set the modern major league record for home winning streak to start a season. They lead the NL West by 6½ games.

Eric Bledsoe signs with Kentucky

Eric Bledsoe is the latest signee for the recruiting class of 2009 for the University of Kentucky Wildcats. He's the 3rd five-star player to sign in the class of 2009.

Bledsoe, whom the recruiting service Rivals.com ranks as the third best point guard in the high school class of 2009, picked Kentucky over Memphis.

Bledsoe’s commitment is not expected to adversely affect Kentucky’s pursuit of another point guard, the celebrated John Wall.

Bledsoe, a native of Birmingham, Ala., cited new UK Coach John Calipari and Kentucky’s love for basketball as factors.

“When Alabama recruited him at the end, he said, ‘Coach, it’s pretty much football, football, football all the time,’ ” said Maurice Ford, Bledsoe’s coach at Birmingham’s Parker High School.

“ ‘I’m a basketball player. Every time I pick up the paper, they’re writing about football. Coach, I want to go where basketball is important, where everyone knows and loves the game.’ ”

Patrick Patterson to return to Kentucky

Per Eric Bledsoe at his press conference this morning, Kentucky standout Patrick Patterson will return for his junior season at the University of Kentucky.

When asked about Patterson and Jodie Meeks, holdover UK players who are testing their NBA draft status this spring, Bledsoe said, “Pat’s coming back. But I haven’t talked to Meeks much.”

RIP: Dom Deluise

Hollywood has lost a comedic legend with the passing of Dom Deluise.

Dom DeLuise, the jovial comic who enlivened such madcap films as Cannonball Run, Blazing Saddles, and Spaceballs, has died. He was 75.

Often working with Burt Reynolds or Mel Brooks, the bearded, roly-poly actor was known for a sharp, distinctive, almost howling laugh that fills the outtakes reel of Cannonball Run — a testament to the joyous time he had with Reynolds.

"I was thinking about this the other day," Reynolds said in a statement released to TVGuide.com. "As you get older, and start to lose people you love, you think about it more, and I was dreading this moment. Dom always made you feel better when he was around and there will never be another like him. I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone. I will miss him very much."

DeLuise's death was confirmed Tuesday by a representative for his son, David DeLuise. No details were immediately available.

He hosted Candid Camera from 1991-92, and starred in two incarnations of The Dom DeLuise Show in 1968 and 1987. He shared his love of food, especially Italian cooking, through his show Cooking with Dom DeLuise and by authoring several cookbooks.

Born in Brooklyn, N.Y., in 1933, he broke out as a performer on Dean Martin's show, playing a disastrous magician named Dominick the Great. His on-screen partnership with Reynolds included The Cannonball Run and The Cannonball Run II, Smokey and the Bandit II, The End, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, and All Dogs Go to Heaven.

DeLuise invoked everything from fussy mannerisms to broad ethnic caricatures to get laughs, but seemed especially happy to make fun of himself, as he did as Pizza the Hutt in Brooks' 1987 film Spaceballs. Other DeLuise collaborations included The Twelve Chairs, Blazing Saddles, Silent Movie, History of the World, Part I, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

Married to actress Carol Arthur, he was the patriarch of a show business family that also included his sons Peter, Michael, and David DeLuise. Peter DeLuise is best known for co-starring with Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street, which also featured Michael DeLuise. The two brothers also appeared together on SeaQuest DSV.

What part of no don't you people get?!?

The answer is NO!

Again, you take my words out of context.

Jack Kemp dead at 74

Former quarterback, congressman, and vice presidential candidate Jack Kemp has died at the age of 74.

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