Thursday, December 04, 2008

New York Gov. David Paterson to annoint Plaxico Burress as next New York Senator

In a shocking development today, New York Governor David Paterson announced his decision to name New York Giants wide reciever Plaxico Burress as the replacement for Secretary of State-designate Hillary Clinton once she officially resigns her seat to take her new post.

Upon word of this appointment, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was left fuming. Bloomberg told the press that he didn't think Burress was worthy enough to be a United States Senator given the looming trial he is set to face for shooting himself and not reporting the gunshot.

The gangs at all of the late night shows, already counting down to January 21st when they run out of material following the president's departure, are getting to work on this story. A confused Stephen Colbert said he was glad by this announcement as it gives the Senate another member who supports the second amendment. He told the press this: "Gun owners love their guns and this is a fantastic addition to the Senate."

Colbert's colleague, Jon Stewart, was stunned. "After what happened with Eliot Spitzer, why would New York make a mockery out of itself," Stewart said. "Appointing Burress to the Senate? What kind of country is this where folks that shoot themselves are able to serve in office?" Stewart was then reminded by John Oliver that "this America is the same America that gave us Dick Cheney, and he shot his friend in the face."

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