Jaime Pressley hosts SNL tonight with musical guest Corinne Bailey Rae. It's week 2 of Saturday Night Live. I'm pretty sure that there will be a Mark Foley sketch.
Cold Open - Addresss from House Speaker Dennis Hastert: Dennis is played by Darrell Hammond and focuses on Mark Foley and his email correspondence with former pages. Blames Clinton, Washington Post, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and that terrorist group's leader #2. Acknowledges Foley's work with the Congressional page program and how much he cared about. Foley never forgot any pages. Foley would have a camera in hand and lend his support. Now that's he gone, there is no one quite like him except for maybe on the Democratic side...they've already checked. Live from New York, it's Darrell Hammond!
Monologue: She plays Joy on My Name is Earl and talks about the south being full of Southern Hillbilly rednecks with shotguns. Fred Armisen, Kenan Thompson, Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Maya Rudolph, and Kristen Wiig are all upset because they are dressed like what she said the south was characterized. She starts singing a Peggy Lee song. Bill Hader is dressed like Colonel Harlan Sanders. Also, in the sketch were Will Forte, Amy Poehler, and Darrell Hammond. Andy Samberg has a banjo ready, playing "Dueling Banjos." AS says he's in the band.
Headline Prime with Nancy Grace: Grace is Amy Poehler. With her is Eddie Hunter, a former Congressional page played by Andy Samberg. He speaks of the positives of the page program. She asks him about resolution 620. Resolution 620 was an appropriations bill addressing highway maintenance. She asks him if he lives in fear? Grace calls the bill grotesque. Microsoft Customer Service Representative Bethany Blake (Jamie) is asked about online predators. She's complained 3 times baout the chair. Kenan Thompson is Darren the night janitor and he's asked about his job description. He doesn't know.
New York City Stories: FA and AP are in this pretaped sketch filmed outside. AP has dark hair and sounds like she may be a foreign character.
Jon Bovi does not sing the hits of the Scorpions: Jamie Pressley plays Jackie Downs. Her next hit record is WF and JS. The band's name is Jon Bovi. They sing a song in hppes of signing a contract. The song sounds like a Bon Jovi song. Downs kicks them out. Security has been called. She offers a 50 year recording contract. As a result, Jon Bovi does not sing the hits of the Scorpions is released.
WVIR News: Jason Sudeikis is a news anchor named Gil. He goes to Michelle (Kristen Wiig)at Bob Gibson Pontiac with Crystal Duggler (Jaime). Both call Crystal very pretty. Crystal's been standing on a truck for 3 days. Michelle says Crystal should model. Crystal waves hi to her niece. I am getting the feeling that Michelle is coming on to Crystal. To make matters worse, she got bird droppings on her.
New York City Stories: Patti Smith (Amy Poehler) and Lou Reed (Fred Armisen) are in front of C.B.G.B.'s. They talk about old times.
St. Ambrose Academy: Bill Hader plays the principal tells Nicole (Jaime Pressley) that she's in a lot of trouble. Kenan Thompson (in drag) plays her old nanny. Cell phone went off in class. Another phone goes off and they start dancing.
Now we have an actual commercial break.
Corinne Bailey Rae sings "Put Your Records On"
Weekend Update: Hastert denied claims about Foley's emails that he was unaware until the date he forgot to knock. If he steps down, he'll go through the floor. Condi Rice's plane was delayed due to a fire and bulletproof hair. Couric finished in 3rd, so she's now Dan Rather. The date of the Iraq celebration is now Feburary 8, 3046. Peter O'Toole (Hader) comments on drinks. He's an alcoholic. He's commenting on Foley calling himself an alcoholic. O'Toole is proud to be a drunk, and not a pervert. Mel Gibson can say he's an alcoholic but everyone know he's a racst. Alcoholism is not to be confused with racism or pervertism. KISS alumnus lost a Supreme Court decision. Dems accuse Frist of waving a white flag. Things must be bad if Frist says he should give up. Iran supreme leader says that masturbation during Ramadan voids the fast. Hollywood Paws is being sued for failing to turn their pets into stars as they refused nude scenes. Ecstasy was seized from Jimmy Buffet. Kids failed a treadmill test. Pumpkins are being affected by a shortage and will be replaced by a spinach-o-lantern. NBC is adding Fuggly Betsey (Fred Armisen) to counteract Ugly Betty on ABC. Maya Rudolph is the executive producer. An eye surgeon is offering eye surgery for Mets tickets. A Bulgarian survived a car crash thanks to her breast implants. A 379 foot redwood is the world's largest tree...scientists discovered it by looking. George Michael got arrested again. The population will hit 300 million.
Charlotte Motor Speedway's Nascarettes: Fred Armisen is the only male on the dance team. Amy Poehler, Kristen, Jamie, and Maya are the only cast members in the sketch. The other females are extra. E.P.T.H.D.S.S.E.W.A. Randy doesn't get off the track and doesn't make it. Amber (Kristen?) doesn't make it the second time. Amy's gone. Nascar Dance team is not a good idea.
New York City Stories: Yoko Ono (Poehler) and Fran Leibowitz (Fred Armisen) are in this one.
Big Wigs: Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, and Andy Samberg are nervous about the Big Wigs visiting. The Big Wigs are Poehler and Pressley. Sudeikis doesn't like the look of the ceiling fan. Samberg smells disaster. All hair is fallen off and next week, there is a funeral. Maya and Kristen are ball-busters that corporate sends.
His Quado: Almost all the cast is in this sketch. Danny (Hader) has a quado where a mutant lives inside him. Quado is Samberg. Sudeikis helps out with food. Jamie is hurtng his feelings. He keeps calling them Quaid because that's Arnold's character in Total Recall. Kristen and Jason are probably a couple in this sketch. Hammond comes in as the Governator and he wants to talk about the importance of immigration.
Corinne Bailey Rae sings "Like a Star."
Cider Chat: Kristen and Jamie are relaxing outside drinking their cider. They are talking about depressing things and then drink the cider.
A Moment with an Out of Breath Jogger from 1982: Samberg is the jogger and gives a shout to my St. Louis Cardinals for winning the World Series.
In two weeks on October 21st, John C. Reilly hosts with musical guest My Chemical Romance.
On October 14th, it's a rerun of Dane Cook and the Killers.
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