Sunday, February 24, 2008

A Message from Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live

This aired during Weekend Update last night on Saturday Night Live and the transcript follows.

Tina Fey: And finally, the most important women's news item there is.

We have our first serious female presidential candidate in Hillary Clinton, and yet, women have come so far as feminists that they don't feel obligated to vote for a candidate just because she's a woman. Women today feel perfectly free to make whatever choice Oprah tells them to.

Which raises the question: Why are people abandoning Hillary for Obama? Some say that they are put off by the fact that Hillary can't control her husband and that we would end up with co-presidents. 'Cuz that would be terrible, having two intelligent qualified people working together to solve problems. Ughh. Why would you let Starsky talk to Hutch? I wanna watch that show "Starsky."

You know, what is it, America? What is it? Are you weirded out that they're married? Because I can promise you they're having exactly as much sex with each other as George Bush and Jeb Bush are.

Then there is the scrutiny of her physical appearance. Rush Limbaugh, the Jeff Conaway of right wing radio, said that he doesn't think America is ready to watch their president, "Turn into an old lady in front of them." Really? They didn't seem to mind when Ronald Reagan did that.

I think what bothers me the most is when people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that. Yeah, she is. And so am I. And so is this one [points to Amy Poehler].

Amy Poehler: Yeah, deal with it.

Tina F: You know what? Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams, and they sleep on cots and they're allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year you hated those bitches, but you knew the capital of Vermont.

So, I'm saying it's not too late, Texas and Ohio. Get on board. Bitch is the new black!

Amy Poehler: Tina Fey, everyone!

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