Jewriffic? You bet!

LINK.

Oddest fallout from the Paris Hilton celebrity phone book scandal: An Israeli text messaged The Insider host Pat O'Brien and asked him for $100.

Second best Jewriffic reference to Paris Hilton this week: "I've reached the depths of my career tonight. Paris Hilton snubbed me. Now the only way to go is up." -- Joan Rivers working the red carpet for the TV Guide Channel outside Elton John's AIDS benefit on Oscar night.

Best use of the Internet: Click here.

Best excuse by a Jewish actress' publicist: "Natalie is in Israel in school. She has been on the cover four times in three years. She would not have been on the front panel of the pullout, and it seemed like a long way for her to go for a photo shoot she didn't need." Kelly Bush, Natalie Portman's publicist, explaining why her client opted not to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair Magazine.

My personal favorite because I'm laughing out of my chair despite how serious it is:
Best reason to move to Saudi Arabia: "When we talk politics with Arabs in Israel, they say, 'My grandfather used to live in Tel Aviv, and now it's owned by Jewish people -- we want to come back,'" he says. "I respond, 'My parents came from Iran and Tunisia, but nobody is going to give our property back to us. It's all been confiscated ... We have this little sandbox we call Israel. We give our hearts and lives to make it a proud country. Every one serves in the Israeli Defense Force in order for Israel to survive. You have half of the globe. What the f*** do you want from us? Go live in Saudi Arabia." -- Jewish hip hop artist in a quote from Rolling Stone Magazine.

From the yada, yada, yada blog:
Ooh, that feels real good: Tom Cruise is offering Scientology massages on the set of his new flick The War of the Worlds...which begs the obvious question: Which cult is crazier, Scientology or Kabbalah? And oh yeah, it begs one more question: What the hell is a Scientology massage?

J. Lo low blow: Apparently, Jennifer Lopez keeps warm with the Nazi party. We knew her music blew, but now we have another reason to despise the diva.

Poor Ari: The autobiography of former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer is getting a chilly reception in the Beltway. Maybe that explains why Fleischer is traveling to JCC's across the country to promote the book in front of a more friendly audience.

The rebbetzin of wonder: Jewish producer Joel Silver could quite possibly have the luckiest job in Hollywood. Warner Bros. has asked him to choose between Kim Basinger and Jessica Biehl to star in the new Wonder Woman movie.

From the fake religion dept...: What the hell is a High Priestess of Kabbalah?

Erin Daniels: Star of The L Word.

My time tonight online is over...until maybe 10ish. I will be watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart tomorrow morning when it reruns.