Saturday, November 11, 2006

Alec Baldwin hosts Saturday Night Live

Alec Baldwin hosts Saturday Night Live with musical guest Christina Aguilera. Given this week's election results and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's resignation, I'm sure we're bound to see some political sketches tonight, or some jokes in Weekend Update with Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers. I think we're bound to see a Steve Martin cameo.

Cold open - A Message from Speaker-Elect Nancy Pelosi: Nancy Pelosi (Kristen Wiig) talks about how she will represent all Americans. Talks about SF values. Healthcare, Iraq, rough sex, fantasy role play scenarios while agreeing on a safe word, minimum wage, constitutional rights, talks about how her staff told her that Americans have believe in religion, and she mentions faith will be respected. Diverse Congress: Rangel, Conyers, Thompson, some other folks. Dana (Will Forte) and Bill (Fred Armisen) are dressed in black leather and one is an aide to her while Fred is on a leash. Live from New York, it's Kristen Wiig!

Monologue - Alec Baldwin is back for a 13th time at SNL to host the show. Plugs 30 Rock. He's the biggest star of the network, while he would have to fight for the job at ABC. Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan are back! Tracy has seen Star Wars 500 times. Talks about experience, credentials, and talent they have worked with. - Cal Brandeis (Suds) plugs the website. Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph. Kenan Thompson and Amy Poehler. Will Forte and Kristen Wiig.

Britney Spears Divorce Proceedings - Jason Sudeikis is the attorney and Amy Poehler is Britney. Talks about how he bought so much stuff. Extra marital affair? There is a 45% chance of them getting back together and she left the kids in the car for almost an hour.

Baghdad, Iraq - Bill Hader and Fred Armisens look like attorneys and Saddam Hussein is portrayed by Alec Baldwin. Hussein feels like he is on American Idol and the witnesses are Simon Cowell. He watched Law and Order. The attornies apologise. He claims to be the Sunni Abraham Lincoln. Hussein is comforted by the Democrats and is upset that Borat is on the front pages. He was ticked off at the verdict.

Valtrex Commercial - Genital herpes with Baldwin and Alec Poehler. Genital herpes is dormant for 10-15 years. Valtrex lowers the chance of the virus during sex.

Carpooling to work - Kristen Wiig and Alec Baldwin are carpooling to work. Baldwin's character's dad lives with him. Wiig's character's husband ran away. Baldwin believes in Big Foot. He hates Celine Dion. She was kidnapped and wrote a letter to Celine Dion to rescue her, and she did. Both are sensitive. She's metal from the waist down. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" writer raped his grandmother and then he asks to have the radio turned on and that was the song playing.

TV Funhhouse - Kobyayashi - It's in a foreign language and I honstly don't understand this sketch other than it deals with the hot dog eating contest. Part cartoon, part live action.

Platinum Lounge - Alec and Maya are in the platinum lounge. Bill mentions no cast allowed. Steve Martin cameos and thanks a Ms. Ferguson. Two scotches delivered by Martin Short. They toasted to his hosting the show. Steve poisons his drink. Alec asks the Tom and swicthes the drinks. They start to drink and then ask for champagne. Steve did not see him in The Departed and loved him in it. He poisons that one and he makes a miss. Alec punches him and plugs Schweatty Balls. Steve hosted 14 Times and Alec thought it was 13. Paul just came in. Paul McCartney showed up. Paul Simon and John Goodman's named were dropped. Paul McCartney just cameoed with Steve Martin...this may have been the best sketch of the season by far!

Christina Aguilera sings "Ain't No Other Man."

Weekend Update - Democrats sweep. Iraq brought regime change to the US. Bush will work with Democrats. Referendum on war and the all the other scandals. US Army has a new slogan: Army Strong. Navy: Iraq - Almost Entirely Land-locked. Pelosi met with Bush, and to rub it in, had to leave to have an abotion. Seth Meyers has an exclusive interview with Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond). Kenan Thompson moves a couch with no luck. Rummy hung a banner "Move Accomplished" and Meyers gives Kenan a hand. Joe Lieberman has new status and it remains which will be seen in the Senate (dull and boring or boring and dull). All the issues voted on. Morning after pill to be available in New York and then Amy asks what she has been taking. The last place finisher in the NYC marathon finished in 29 hours. Some guy in Florida survived gunshot wounds thanks to two Bibles. Aunt Linda, the culture correspondent, reviews the new winter movies. Gives Babel an "Oh, Brother." Happy Feet got a "What?" Flushed Away gets "Oh, Boy" and "Ghaa." Saw 3 gets "Thank you" and "Scorcesee." Veterans' Day will not affect anyone in the White House. Time names as the Invention of the Year. NYC has a new Taxi service. Seafood will be low by 2028. Tom Cruise spent $10,000 for a state dinner with Katie Holmes and Derrick Landerton (Andy Samberg) joins in (the waiter). The dinner was 12 plus 9 plus 20 plus 18, add in 35 for a wine, and you get 100 dollars. He thinks he overcharged them a lot and now he has to talk to his manager. In Mexico, polices think they were served hamburgers with marijuana. The internet is being installed in cars.

The Tony Bennett Show - No brainer here. Alec Baldwin reprises his role as Tony Bennett. He loves things that are great. First guest is Kevin Federline (Andy Samberg). He's doing whatever stays in Vegas. Bob Dylan was not picked up by the car service. Anthony Benedetto joins in, and that's the real Tony Bennett! He's doin just great. Anthony Benedetto copies Tony's work word for word and song for song. Benedetto's work was a tribute to Bennett. His stage name is Phony Bennett. "I Left My Heart in San Clemsdisco" was his biggest hit. Talks about the holiday plans. They sing a song, "America for Beautiful."

Brazilian restaurant - Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph are singers at some sort of restaurant. Alec Baldwin is Rick Cornman (sp?) and he sits with Kristen Wiig. He hits on her and she slaps him instead of throwng the drink on him. He proceeds to sit with Andy Samberg and someone else who leaves the table. Andy throws the drink at him. He sits with Amy Poehler and she tries throwing a drink at him and instead, her food. He then gets up with the band.

Christina Aguilera sings "Hurt."

Oh crap, my NBC affiliate just lost audio during commercials.

A Moment with the Out of Breath Jogger from 1982: I don't know what it was about but heard it made fun of Crystal Pepsi.

Tony Bennett and Christina Aguilera duet and sing "Steppin' Out with My Baby."

Due to missing audio in the final five minutes, no thanks to WLWT, I am forced to watch the rerun.

For those of you counting cameos at home: Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Steve Martin, Martin Short, Paul McCartney, Tony Bennett

Next week, on November 18, 2006, Ludacris has double duty as host and musical guest.

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